THIS BROKEN WORLD

A broken heart is the centre of our interconnectedness. Every single human being lives with it, and tries to understand its healing throughout this lifetime journey.

I write these lines in a sorrowful night of a heartbroken March, and I don’t know how to voice what I live these days, so I write and I will not leave the words unless I can find some hope to offer to my readers and companions. I am a seeker - when I forget - and a true supporter of that sort of hope that feels like a Ray of Light in this whole chaos - when I remember -. I am holding onto that yearning maybe too much "these days".

THESE DAYS

As I was sharing with a dear friend of mine, I am quite often answering to this question: "So how are you feeling 'these days'?" And it's just bringing to my attention how a narrative of events that holds a personal self and an impersonal reality can refer to a time that brings so much naming, so much defining. Is it just me or it feels that, meeting often this question, the naming is being collective?

I cannot but wonder... why do we need the support of a process of healing? (Read more on my blog, especially the article that considers this question: "Why Healing?")

In our struggles with reality, our imperfect condition is attached to this kind of program that feels in comfort only around "good vibes only", desiring to be able to control what can really break us. 

You see, we often accept only the joyful side of this world, and we deny the other side of it because it frightens us. And it's normal to be afraid, it's within our imperfect condition. We are tiny foolish human beings who forget that the only safety and trust we have is in the only available place where we try to forcefully close: in our broken heart. - - In the core of our being where God, 'The Ray of Light' that never leaves us, waits for us to return.. - To take the way back 'Home'.

It’s not easy, neither after many years of profound work, to explain to my beloved companions that there’s nobody’s fault. That for every humane sorrow and choice to embrace the nihilism in our biggest tragedies, God is always there waiting for us to see through, to follow our broken but so intelligent heart. And still, we choose to run away from Him, because we need a culprit and answers, and Divine Justice. We need to feel that the Divine Power is on our side,- that side we defined after personal beliefs that is the right one, and the only one dismissing totally the existence of another being with another belief. After thousands of years of this Journey called Life for the whole humanity, we still wait for a Supreme Vengeful Judge. We still wait for proofs of WHAT IS before us, with us, through us, inside of us, after us. We easily accepted to dwell in an irreplaceable separation created by a material mind, when everything around us is WHOLE. The joy and the sorrow, life and death, love and hate, end and beginning, they are all nested together, holding the foundation of this broken world.

But when choosing to carry the hurt, we break, we separate, we put borders and draw lines on maps, we build high impenetrable fences, we create groups and we rank — colors, skills, professions, skins… We disconnect communities, beliefs, genres, and we put them to fight for the Sightless Universal Truth: the Right vs the Wrong.

Dear human, it’s not your fault! It’s not my fault. It’s nobody’s fault. There’s only one Supreme Truth: there’s no mistake in CREATION. ALL that is, IT IS for us to meet along this walk.

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And so I write and I write. And I hear whispered words everywhere I turn, on the streets, behind cold walls, or noisy buildings... but the pulse of the heart doesn't stop. Thus, I continue my walk, one word at a time. Though broken, the heart still longs to remain open.

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'dreadful, unjust, confusing, worrying, fearful, sad, violent, volatile, uncertain, conflictual, hopeless, terrifying, unsafe, traumatic, chaotic, turbulent, devastating'

Are these descriptions of what life calls itself "these days"? Sadly, their echoes shake hearts into silence..In my sorrow and disappointment, I keep whispering, "but life has always been full of everything, so why do we meet it with so much surprise now?". Oh, Dear One, help me support this container for the minds that tend to forget.. from time to time....

In my darkest hours, in my heavy walk, I am becoming my own thoughts and reflections.

I vanish into the deepest abyssal valley of the mind and try to find answers because my questions cannot contain my grief.

• What is really dreadful, the existence of war or the idea that the war is a solution for humanity?

• What is unjust, the one born in an oppressed land or the one taught to be the oppressor since breastfeeding?

• What is confusing, having a choice of freedom or not knowing what to do with the self-awareness that freedom brings?

• What is worrying, the consumer of the news or the avoidant?

• Who is more fearful? The one who identifies himself with the belief he was raised in or the one who has weapons?

• What is sad? The world before we were aware that it is, or the world we start seeing through real awareness?

• What is more violent? Killing elderly or killing children?

• What is volatile? Before you answer, life has always been unpredictable.

• What is uncertain? Our next breath...

• What about conflictual? The mind, because the heart has its 'task' to seek healing...

• What is hopeless? Our creative thoughts that choose fear because of fear...hoping that in this way fear dissipates.

• What is terrifying? The times we are living or the descriptions we added to them?

• What do you find unsafe? A place involved in a conflict indirectly that has resources to protect its people, or a nation that creates a warfield in every other territories?

• When does it all become traumatic? When we live it or when we witness it?

• Has it always been chaotic? Yes, but not presented this way. Should we recall the history of humanity?

• What is truly turbulent? My desire to point at the other side I consider guilty, or my inability to understand that green apple or red apple... it's still an apple?

• What is devastating? My limited human condition of not being able to save this world. Every minute carrying this burden and every other minute remembering and trying to forgive my forgetting.

  
  

I asked my broken heart, "What should I do with all these questions?" And the answer was: Trying to reach universal conclusions is the same as the mind that tries to defend the right from what she considers wrong. It's the same territory that keeps humans in since day one...the war. Have you ever considered that carrying your limitations and questions without final answers is already a great work? If not, what if you try this practice and see where it leads you...?!

In my darkest hours, in my heavy walk, I take with me my questioning and choose to breathe...because it was given to me. And I choose the Journey because it was given to me. And I try to live at my best ability of learning how to do it Is this what makes me less, not loved, forsaken?

Talking to the self, behind these words and cold walls, I dare to voice out: it's not the path that is lonely, but the gift of free will. In our choices we are alone...it is well known that some companions abandon, others come back. But that empty space, that shattering it contains a touch of aloneness.

Eternally.